Do they love pineapples… Or are they swingers? Is she a huge fan of unicorns… Or does she have sex with other couples? Is that flamingo a decoration… Or something more?
Your grandparents called it “group marriage” AKA the free love of the 60s. And now there’s you, navigating a dating pool robust with consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships.
“A Scoping Review of Research on Polyamory and Consensual Non-Monogamy: Implications for a More Inclusive Family Science” helps us understand the growing interest in couplings other than the monogamous style.
Published in the Journal of Family Theory and Review, Doctors Shivangi Gupta and Caroline Sanner, with Ph.D. student Mari Tarantino, explore everything from what it’s like to be in a consensual non-monogamy relationship to how society views the folks within these couplings and throuplings.
A recent US-based survey showed 1 in 6 people claimed they wanted to try polyamory. Aren’t you a little curious, too?
Polyamory vs. Mononormativity
Polyamory is all about openly having intimate and (often) long-term relationships with more than one partner. It’s just one type of consensual non-monogamy (CNM)–which is an umbrella term for relationship styles like open marriages, swinging, and relationship anarchy. Everyone involved knows, consents, and communicates.
The concept of mononormativity–the idea that monogamy is the natural, superior relationship style–is often intertwined with social structures like capitalism, patriarchy, conservatism, and religion. Scholars argue it has been historically used to control women’s bodies and reproductive rights. It promotes property and power inheritance through patrilineage (passed down through the father). It’s been suggested that monogamy isn’t simply a personal choice, it’s been enforced and upheld by social, legal, and political systems for centuries.
A Bit of History
The study of non-monogamy began in the 1960s and 70s, during major social upheaval–events like the Vietnam War, the sexual revolution, and women’s liberation movements. Academia was intrigued by the rise of “alternative lifestyles” like swinging and open marriages. According to the authors, this interest peaked in the mid-70s but began to decline in the 80s and 90s due to public scrutiny and a lack of academic incentives.
Things took a turn in the 2000s, with renewed interest in CNM–particularly from sociological and philosophical perspectives. For example, Dr. Roger H. Rubin’s 2001 article “Whatever Happened to Swingers, Group Marriages, and Communes?”
The last two decades have seen an explosion of research into polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. Keyword searches for these topics significantly increased between 2006 and 2015–indicating a rise in public curiosity.
But family studies may need to catch up. While non-traditional family structures (like single-parent homes or LGBTQ+ households) have been studied, polyamorous families are still underrepresented. Scholars have argued that failing to recognize poly-fams as valid only reinforces the dominance of the “two-parent” ideal and traditional family norms.
With this boom in research, the team saw the need to pause and reflect. It’s time for a comprehensive review of the existing literature–pointing to the areas that need even more attention.
An Important Literature Review
The researchers did a scoping review of all the research related to polyamory and CNM to map out what’s been studied so far. A scoping review is great when you’re dealing with a large, rapidly growing body of research–like this one–because it helps you see the big picture: what we know, what’s missing, and where to go next.
They searched five academic databases using keywords like “polyamory,” “open relationships,” and “non-monogamy.” This initial search produced 3,386 articles. After excluding irrelevant studies–like unrelated topics or non-empirical work–they had a total of 171. A follow-up search added 27 more recent articles and 11 references, bringing the total to 209 papers to review.
An interesting tidbit: No articles were published in the 1990s (that met their criteria). This major break speaks to how little attention CNM received in that decade, despite how popular it is today.
For each study, the research team examined a plethora of information, including where the study was conducted, what kind of research design it was (qualitative; quantitative; mixed methods), who the participants were, and what the study aimed to explore.
Overall, the theories used to study CNM were a bit all over the place. More than half (about 54%) of the studies used some kind of guiding theory, but the rest were atheoretical–meaning the researchers didn’t explicitly base their work on a specific framework. Most of them fell into two categories:
- Psychological theories, like attachment theory or sociosexuality theories, explain why people might be drawn to CNM or how CNM relationships compare to monogamous ones.
- Critical theories, such as queer theory or intersectionality frameworks, explore how CNM challenges societal norms like monogamy and heteronormativity.
Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships
This review gives us a peek into what folks really think about polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. From relationship satisfaction to how they handle jealousy–the data shows us that CNM is more than just an “alternative lifestyle”.
Relationship Satisfaction & Stigmatization
Research consistently shows that folks in CNM partnerships report similar, if not higher, levels of relationship satisfaction compared to monogamous couplings. For example, a 2021 study found that individuals in polyamorous arrangements “were more satisfied with the nature of communication and openness.”
Not only do CNM folks feel less jealousy, but they also often experience compersion: a feeling of joy when your partner is happy with someone else.
CNM situationships practice safer sex than many expect–like regular STI testing and consistent condom use. The studies reveal that CNM participants have lower rates of STIs than the national average. And some even boast higher sexual satisfaction compared to their monogamous compadres.
Despite the positive relationship and sexual effects, societal attitudes toward consensual non-monogamy remain largely negative. Folks in CNM relationships are often stereotyped as “more promiscuous, immoral, and untrustworthy.”
However, exposure to CNM can change minds!
Studies show that when people are given more information about polyamory or consensual non-monogamy–or see it in action–their biases and negative perceptions significantly go down.
Redefining Relationships & Family
Who’s more likely to be poly? Research has found that people who score high in openness–those who love new experiences and variety–gravitate more towards this relationship style. Other demographic factors, such as being younger, non-religious, LGBTQIA+, and even White, were more likely to be into CNM.
Being in an open lifestyle requires ongoing communication, negotiation, and boundary-setting. To go even further, the authors claim that “respect, consent, trust, communication, flexibility, and honesty are key” for maintaining a healthy CNM coupling (or throupling). Partners within these relationships constantly renegotiate their agreements–from safe sex practices to how much details they share about each other.
Jealousy management is a major part of this process. Many folks in the lifestyle claim that open and honest communication helps them navigate difficult emotions like jealousy and insecurity.
For some, being in a consensual non-monogamy relationship is more than a choice–it’s a core part of their identity. Participants claimed that CNM “felt the most natural” and that they “had always been attracted to multiple people.” However, living under the rule of mononormativity (the assumption that monogamy is the default) can be challenging, leading to internalizing stress.
Polyamorous families are reshaping what family means. In polyfamilies, multiple partners share parenting responsibilities–creating support networks that challenge traditional gender roles, particularly around childcare. They expand the definitions of “parent” and “family” to include non-biological ties–opposing the “heterosexual nuclear family model.”
However, they still face stigma, especially in healthcare and legal systems. Poly parents report difficulties with things as simple as filling out birth certificates, where systems aren’t built to accommodate multiple co-parents.
Tensions Within the Community
The political discourse around CNM reflects tension within the community too. Some activists advocate for legal recognition of multi-partner relationships, while others worry that doing so would reinforce traditional, hierarchical relationship models. This debate extends to online space too, where practices like “unicorn hunting” (adding bisexual women to a relationship) face criticism within the poly community.
Rethinking Relationship Norms
Researchers emphasize the challenges of studying consensual non-monogamy while unintentionally reinforcing monogamy as the partnership ‘gold standard.’ When academics continuously compare CNM relationships to monogamous ones, it “reifies monogamy as the norm.” This means that even when they are trying to validate CNM, scholars measure it by monogamous standards like commitment and stability–leaving out what makes consensual non-monogamy unique.
The review calls out the hyper-sexualization of polyamory in both media and academic literature. Studies that focus on sexual outcomes like STI rates and sexual behaviors reinforce the misconception that CNM is mostly sex-driven. As the researchers point out, polyamorous people tend to emphasize “love, consent, and honesty” in their relationships, not just sex.
Looking to the future, there needs to be more focus on unexplored areas like how poly families navigate legal and institutional systems. And the dynamics of these relationships go beyond primary partnerships. The authors ask for more inclusive and diverse research, especially with BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ participants–to understand the full spectrum of consensual non-monogamous experiences.
In the end, whether it’s pineapples, flamingos, or unicorns, CNM relationships are reshaping what love and family can look like. No matter how these dynamics evolve, it’s clear that open, honest communication is central. So, let your curiosity take over—you’ll never guess what those lawn ornaments actually represent.
