You’re at a party, somewhat bored, casually hanging out by the hors d’oeuvres table. Groups of guests are clustered in tight circles, and you’re just about to grab more corn chips and guac when a flirtatious smile suddenly catches your eye.
That’s when everything seems to shift. The world feels like it’s tilted on its axis, and your heart doesn’t simply skip a beat—it pounds, hard and fast, as if it’s trying to break free from your chest.
The charming stranger strikes up a conversation, and his carefree laugh sends a shiver down your spine. Your mind races, imagining a future together. You don’t even know his last name, whether that’s a wedding ring on his left hand, or much about him really—except maybe his love of 80s synth-pop—but you know he’s the one.
The rush is intoxicating, and, no, it’s definitely not the first time you’ve felt this way. This tendency to fall in love fast, easily, and repeatedly? It’s called emophilia.
A recent article in Personality and Individual Differences examines the emerging concept of emophilia. By distinguishing it from related constructs and showcasing its unique predictive power, the author argues for its inclusion in mainstream psychology. Doing so could deepen our understanding of how people experience relationships differently, why some take risks early in love, and how emotions and psychology shape romantic connections.
The emerging concept of emophilia
Emophilia was coined in 2011 by Dr. Daniel Jones, an associate professor at the University of Nevada, Reno, with a Ph.D. in Personality and Social Psychology.
Drawing on sexual selection and sexual strategies theories, which explores differences in readiness for sexual contact, Jones proposed a similar idea for romantic love. While some take time to develop feelings, others fall in love almost instantly. But emophilia isn’t just about falling in love easily and quickly—it’s also about doing so often. Someone who falls in love overnight but stays faithful for life wouldn’t fit the concept.
To capture this pattern, the Emotional Promiscuity scale measures romantic feelings, behaviors, and tendencies. The ten-item scale includes statements like “I feel romantic connections right away,” “I love the feeling of falling in love,” and “I have been in love with more than one person at the same time.” Participants rate their agreement and share how many people they’ve fallen in love with over their lifetime.
The risks of ‘rose-colored glasses’
Emophilia, much like being in love, often leads to viewing partners through “rose-colored glasses” and idealizing them.
For those with high levels of emophilia, this idealization happens almost immediately, with little understanding of whether the person is a compatible match. This cycle tends to repeat, increasing their likelihood of forming new romantic connections and infidelity, particularly emotional infidelity.
Those with emophilia are also more likely to be drawn to overconfident, charming, and narcissistic individuals.
Although not a pathology, Jones warns emophilia can lead to risky behaviors. These include not vetting romantic partners before becoming emotionally invested, overlooking red flags, and neglecting safe sexual practices like using condoms. In extreme cases, individuals may even commit crimes to protect a partner, such as hiding drugs or weapons or lying under oath.
Is emophilia a distinct relationship pattern?
While emophilia overlaps with other concepts in relationship research, Jones highlights its unique traits and predictors. Distinguishing it from other studied phenomena, he specifically examines how it differs from anxious attachment, sociosexuality, and holding strong romantic beliefs.
Anxious attachment: a need-based process
In advancing the concept of emophilia, Jones has faced criticism that it is merely a form of anxious attachment—an attachment style where individuals seek constant reassurance and validation from their partners.
It’s true that both involve quick romantic connections. Jones’s own research also shows the concepts are moderately to strongly correlated. Yet, a key difference is that anxious attachment is a “need-based” process, while emophilia is a “want-based” process.
For example, individuals with anxious attachment are driven by fear of abandonment and emotional insecurity. In contrast, people with emophilia are motivated by a strong urge to connect with others and start relationships, often feeling excited and hopeful about the experience.
Sociosexuality: sexual rewards over emotional intimacy
Sociosexuality refers to a person’s openness to sex outside of a committed, emotionally intimate relationship.
Jones’s research shows a moderate to high correlation between emophilia and sociosexuality. People high in both traits have higher rates of unprotected sex with multiple partners, multiple engagements, and pregnancies with different people. In contrast, anxious attachment does not follow these patterns and may even have the opposite effect.
Additionally, those high in both emophilia and sociosexuality are more likely to lie to protect a romantic partner, regardless of the length of the relationship. However, perjury for a partner is uniquely tied to emophilia, as is the experience of being left at the altar.
Despite certain similarities, emophilia and sociosexuality are also driven by different forces. Emophilia stems from emotional impulses, while sociosexuality is motivated by the pursuit of rewards like sexual gratification. They also differ in personality traits—sociosexuality is linked to avoidant attachment and disagreeableness, whereas emophilia is not.
Not just ‘hopeless romantics’
Someone high in emophilia isn’t simply a “hopeless romantic.” In fact, Jones found only a small to moderate connection between holding strong romantic beliefs and emophilia.
Using the Romantic Beliefs Scale, which measures idealized notions of love—including the concept of love at first sight—researchers tested its connection to emophilia. Even after controlling for this factor, the patterns linked to emophilia remained strong.
As Jones explains: “The concept of romantic beliefs is about meeting a soul mate and making it work regardless of the barriers. Emophilia is about falling in love immediately and repeating that rapid process. Thus, the two simply do not come close to measuring the same thing.”
Why research emophilia?
Emophilia offers a compelling perspective on why some people fall in love quickly, intensely, and often.
Preliminary research suggests the concept differs from other relationship styles, including anxious attachment, sociosexuality, and romantic idealism. Although they share similarities, people with emophilia are particularly driven by their desire for emotional connection and tend to jump into new relationships. This can lead to unique life experiences, such as committing perjury for a partner or being left at the altar.
With limited research so far, future studies could provide important insights into both the validity of the concept and its deeper implications. Jones suggests examining the physiological, cognitive, and evolutionary aspects of emophilia.
Understanding emophilia’s unique role in relationships may help individuals make more informed romantic choices—even as the rush of love sweeps them off their feet once again.
