You step into the restaurant wearing heels and a long jacket that discreetly hides your thigh-high skirt. Your date is already waiting—a distinguished man with a sharp suit, a polished demeanor, and an age gap that doesn’t escape notice. But you expected that; his online profile was clear about his experience and success.
He greets you warmly, pulling out your chair with practiced charm before ordering cocktails. Conversation flows easily over dinner. You bond over a shared appreciation for great food, new-age film, and a love of travel. At one point, he mentions a dream of whisking you away to the French Riviera—sipping fine wine, exploring nightlife, and savoring the sunset from the deck of a private yacht.
As the evening winds down, he escorts you outside, the night air carrying a sense of possibility. While you wait for your Uber, he hands you an envelope containing a few hundred-dollar bills. He smiles and says he’d love to see you again. In exchange for your companionship, he can offer you access to a life of luxury—worldly experiences, high-end living, and even mentorship. If the relationship develops and trust is established, he’s prepared to give you a monthly allowance of $4,000.
Sugar dating occupies a unique space—neither traditional sex work nor conventional dating—but its popularity is on the rise.
A study in The Journal of Sex Research offers rare insights into these arrangements, exploring the perspectives of both sugar babies and benefactors. Understanding their experiences is key to uncovering how these relationships shape the lives of those involved—particularly as they gain greater visibility and societal relevance.
What is sugar dating?
Sugar dating is a type of relationship where an older, wealthier partner, called a “sugar daddy” or “sugar mommy,” provides financial or material support to a younger partner, known as a “sugar baby,” in exchange for companionship and/or sexual activity. Also known as “sugaring,” “sugar relationships,” or “sugar arrangements”, they typically involve male benefactors and female sugar babies.
According to guide site Sugar Place, these arrangements often entail agreed-upon allowances, gifts like travel or shopping, or “pay per meet” compensation, ranging from $300 to $1,000 per meeting. As the relationship progresses, it may lead to weekly or monthly allowances, averaging between $1,000 and $5,000.
Reliable estimates on the scope of sugar dating are unavailable. Yet leading sugar dating platform Seeking.com reports over 46 million users worldwide as of 2023—a significant jump from 800,000 users in 2011 and five million in 2018. The dramatic increase is likely due to targeted marketing aimed at potential participants, the study authors suggest.
Many sugar daters distinguish it from sex work, emphasizing the emotional intimacy and dating elements of their arrangements. Yet some evidence suggests they may still face similar stigma experienced by traditional sex workers.
Exploring sugar dating: participants and approach
To dig deeper into the world of sugar dating, the study involved 77 participants: 45 women, 31 men, and one non-binary individual.
Participants shared their sugar dating histories, motivations, and views on power dynamics, traditional gender roles, and stigma. To be eligible, they needed to be 18 or older, live in the US (61 participants) or Canada (16 participants), and have a recent or current sugar arrangement.
With ages ranging from 18 to 74, sugar babies were significantly younger than sugar benefactors (average ages 28.8 and 48.2, respectively). The majority were white (70%) and heterosexual (60%).
Most participants were primarily women (93%) and identified as sugar babies (58%),. As for sugar benefactors, over a third of participants identified as sugar daddies (36%), with only three identifying as sugar mommies (4%) and one as non-binary (1%).
Sugar dating experience
Sugar babies and benefactors averaged 4 and 6 arrangements respectively over their lifetimes, lasting between 1 and 132 months. Most had only one arrangement at a time.
Three-quarters of participants met their sugar partner on a sugar dating website or matching service. A fifth selected “other,” citing they met through charity events, sex clubs, mutual friends, or social media platforms, such as Craigslist, Reddit, FetLife, or Grindr. A small percentage (5%) reported meeting at a bar.
Most sugar arrangements involved sexual exchanges (94% sugar benefactors; 84% sugar babies). The others reported kissing and sexting, while only two sugar babies (4%) reported no sexual interactions at all.
Motivations, benefits, and drawbacks
About half of sugar babies said their main reason for sugar dating was to make money. But many reported other factors, such as emotional support, sexual pleasure, and attraction to older men. Others expressed a desire to feel valued and spoiled.
Among sugar benefactors, 28% were driven by the opportunity to “date above their league” and gain attention from younger, attractive companions.
As for the benefits of sugar dating, nearly half of participants—40% of sugar babies and 47% of sugar benefactors—cited companionship. However, sugar benefactors reported feeling a much stronger emotional connection with their partner than sugar babies felt toward them.
For 28% of sugar benefactors, helping and mentoring younger people was a major perk. A smaller group valued the clear communication of expectations and boundaries within their relationships (sugar babies 9%; sugar benefactors 19%).
But not everything was always rosy.
Close to a third of sugar babies and sugar benefactors expressed safety concerns regarding risk of exposure, coercion, or exploitation. Sugar babies worried about physical harm, while benefactors feared damage to reputation, social status, or being scammed.
A top concern among sugar benefactors (38%) was whether their relationships were genuine, though sugar babies didn’t share this worry.
Gender roles, power, and stigma
Researchers anticipated higher scores, but participants showed only low to moderate support for traditional gender roles. In addition, they only reported moderate levels of stigma.
Power dynamics also surprised researchers. Overall, 40% of sugar babies and 31% of sugar benefactors felt that sugar babies, especially young women, held equal or more power. Yet sugar babies were more likely than sugar benefactors to feel pressured in their arrangements (33% vs. 13%).
Overlaps with dating and sex work
About three-quarters of sugar babies and benefactors agreed or strongly agreed that a dating component was important in their arrangements. It was not just about sex.
“Most participants reported genuinely enjoying spending time together outside of the sexual exchange,” wrote the authors. Together they engaged in activities similar to traditional dating, such as going out to dinner, visiting local attractions, and hosting parties together.
Still, over one-third of sugar babies and two-thirds of sugar benefactors had participated in other forms of transactional sex work.
Compensation in sugar arrangements varied, ranging from pay-per-meet agreements and monthly allowances to reimbursement for expenses. Notably, 22% of sugar babies and 34% of sugar benefactors reported that as trust grew, compensation often increased as well.
Yet discussing the transactional aspect of sugar dating is taboo. The authors wrote:
“[S]ugar babies were expected not to draw attention to the financial nature of the arrangement to help avoid the benefactor feeling used for money. They were instead expected to discuss shared activities, plans, and companionship.”
Supporting the wellbeing of sugar daters
Sugar dating relationships are complex—and the study findings defied researchers’ expectations.
Rather than wealthy benefactors wielding all the power, sugar babies were often viewed as having as much or more due to their youth and beauty. In addition, both groups showed lower support for traditional gender roles, suggesting these may not be the main participation drivers. Perceived stigma was also lower than expected, with both groups reporting similar levels.
And while sex mattered, intimacy took priority.
But the study didn’t address power dynamics within sugar dating dyads, a topic researchers say needs closer examination. Future research should also clarify the theme of mentorship, especially as it relates to sugar daddies. The authors suggest that “viewing their role as mentoring might constitute a means to reduce cognitive dissonance” given the stigma surrounding sugar dating.
Deeper insights into these arrangements can better prepare therapists and educators to support those navigating them. Guiding participants through potential risks while fostering positive, judgment-free sexual self-concepts is essential, particularly with increased media and marketing attention.
