Sipping your morning coffee, your mind tumbles through last night’s bedroom activities—analyzing and reliving the best moments. And just like that, a random thought pops in your brain, he always tells you how good it feels, but he doesn’t always go down on you… “Does it taste weird? Does it smell weird? Does it look weird? Okay, maybe you’re overthinking it. But are you…?
Now you really want to know… what does he actually think about your genitals?
Fortunately, these thought spirals have an answer. Enter “Men’s Perceptions of Female Genitals” by E. Sandra Byers, Ph.D., and Miranda C. Fudge, Ph.D., a study that ends your plunge down the Google rabbit hole.
Published in the International Journal of Sexual Health, the authors explore what men (who like women) think about female genital anatomy.
If you’ve ever wondered what he’s thinking about when he’s down there, read on.
The backstory you didn’t know you needed
A first attempt to figure out this topic was in 1995, where R. K. Reinholtz, Ph.D., and C. L. Muehlenhard, Ph.D., looked at how undergraduate men felt about their female partner’s genitals. Still, with a huge limitation—they asked them to imagine their feelings about performing oral sex even if they hadn’t done it before. This study was over 30 years ago, so it’s safe to assume the sexual landscape has changed a smidge, if not a lot, since then.
Fast-forward to 2015, and you get Margo Mullinax, Ph.D., and colleagues, who asked men and women to list everything they liked and disliked about the female anatomy. The results were mostly good; men had more likes than dislikes. However, some men still mentioned not liking the appearance, smell, and taste of female genitals. The problem with this study? It only used open-ended questions, so it didn’t give a clear idea of men’s overall attitudes or how strongly they felt about them.
Then there was Emma Horrocks and colleagues in 2016, who asked 248 men their opinion on their partner’s anatomy and female genitals overall. About 75% of them were satisfied with their partner’s look. But almost half (45.3%) admitted they had thought or talked bad about female genital appearance at some point in their lives. However, the researchers used vague terms like “down there” instead of specifying “genitals” or “vulva”. The paper only focused on genital appearance and ignored other factors, such as smell, taste, or function.
Why this research is a must
The authors realized these gaps weren’t just academic oversights, they had real-life ramifications. “Little is known about the attitudes toward female genitals of men who are attracted to women,” they explain. “This is an important omission because these attitudes may influence men’s own sexual experiences; they may also influence the genital self-image of their female partners if these views are knowingly or unknowingly communicated.”
In other words, what men think doesn’t just affect them—it can impact how women feel about themselves, their bodies, and their sex lives. And since many women may already experience dissatisfaction with their lady bits (thanks to unrealistic cultural standards), understanding how men’s opinions can influence these thoughts is super important.
The research duo didn’t just want to know what men liked or disliked, they wanted to answer three big questions:
- What do men really think about female genitals overall?
- What specific aspects (appearance, smell, taste, function) do men consider important?
- How do men perceive women’s satisfaction with their genitals compared to what women actually report?
They went a step further to see how this affects behavior, specifically: Do men with more positive views of female genitals have more sex? Do they have more lifetime sexual partners? And do they share more positive (or negative) genital feedback with their partners?
To get to the answers, they surveyed 212 self-identified heterosexual men who had sexual experience with women (not just imagined it).
The results
Starting with the not-so-great, nearly 1 of 5 men disliked some aspect of their partner’s nether regions—appearance, smell, taste, or function.
Still, 4 out of 5 had moderately positive opinions. They liked how female genitals looked, felt, and functioned. Yes, there are differences in attitudes, but the majority found female genitals to be attractive, pleasurable, and satisfying.
And while you might think men are obsessed with how genitals look, it’s not entirely true.
They didn’t rate any of the 24 aspects (like size, symmetry, or color) as extremely important. They cared less about visual perfection and more about how things felt.
In fact, function and experience mattered most. Men valued warmth, sensitivity, lubrication, and how physically pleasurable sex was. So, while societal scripts often promote the ‘perfect vulva’ look, most men focus on how things feel and the connection they share with their partner.
Better attitudes = better sex
Men with poor attitudes surrounding female genitals had fewer lifetime sexual partners and (unsurprisingly) said not-so-nice things about it to their partners. This “Negative genital feedback” from a partner can have a “long-lasting impact” on women’s genital self-image. Even a tiny comment or offhanded remark of disapproval can dent a woman’s sexual confidence.
But there’s hope.
Men with positive attitudes claimed to have better sex and were more likely to verbally and non-verbally provide regular, genital appreciation to their partners. This positive feedback can create a cycle of trust, sexual pleasure, and deeper intimacy, benefiting both of them.
Yet, these attitudes don’t affect how often they had sex.
Even men with negative opinions didn’t have sex less than those who actually liked female genitals. Which might feel unexpected because you’d assume the more men appreciated female anatomy, the more sex they would have. The authors think there’s an explanation for this.
E. Sandra Byers and Miranda C. Fudge suggest, “the pleasure and enjoyment men receive from sexual activity [may] outweigh any concerns they have about female genitals.” In other words, even men with less-than-positive opinions still have sex, perhaps driven by their own pleasure rather than feelings about their partner’s body. And if that’s 1/5 men having sex who don’t like female genitals, then that’s potentially 1/5 women who are having poor sexual experiences—oh hello, orgasm gap.
The emotional impact is real
Moving beyond the physicality of bad sex, these negative opinions from men can undermine a woman’s confidence and sexual wellbeing. Even if they feel satisfied with their body, subtle negative feedback (verbal or non-verbal) can plant seeds of doubt. Leading to lower self-esteem, decreased sexual satisfaction, and even an interest in labiaplasty (genital cosmetic surgery).
Here’s the upside.
When men like their female partner’s genitals and actually tell them, the emotional impact is just as powerful. Appreciative comments and positive feedback can boost the woman’s self-image, increase her sexual confidence, and create a healthier, more pleasurable sex life for both partners.
What about women’s satisfaction?
The menfolk significantly underestimated how much women like their own genitals. They guessed that only 62% of them felt this way, but previous research shows that 82% of women are satisfied with their genitals. And the biggest gap was in genital appearance—men thought only 58% of women were happy with how they looked, however, the researchers indicate 80% of women were actually satisfied with how they looked down there.
This is pretty big.
Women are more comfortable with their bodies than their partners assume. While men might think their partners are self-conscious or dissatisfied, many women feel perfectly fine with their genital look and function. Women’s confidence is higher than men often realize.
Practical applications
These findings can help couples therapists improve communication between romantic couplings. Men may not even realize how much their attitudes and comments (positive and negative) impact their lady partner’s self-image. So, therapists can help them recognize these dynamics, encouraging men to give more positive feedback and teaching women how to share their feelings.
Thoughts on the future
We know that attitudes can change over time and that this study only surveyed the participants once. Would these opinions stay consistent with every female partner they had? Or maybe a more comprehensive sex education would impact their understanding of female genitals.
Plus, it’s not lost on Sanda E. Byers and Miranda C. Fudge that some men may have only said positive things to look good, wanting to appear more open-minded than they truly are.
Even though they answered some rather big questions, there’s more to learn. Since the participant pool was mostly heterosexual, white, well-educated men, “this may limit generalizability of the results to more diverse populations.” Future studies must explore how men from different cultures, backgrounds, and sexual orientations think about female genitals.
And what about the long-term effects of these attitudes? Will they change over time as stated above? Will women’s opinions about their own genitals shift from the feedback they get from male partners?
On the flip side, it’s also important to look at women’s perceptions of penises, too. Women aren’t the only ones whose genital image may impact their self-esteem.
In the end, men’s perceptions about female genitals mean something. Negative opinions can cause insecurities and distance between couples, while positive attitudes create confidence and connection.
While his thoughts might matter, what matters most is how you feel in your own body. Because great sex is about so much more than just your genitals—it’s about feeling safe, connected, and desired. This is where real pleasure happens.
