It starts with a sigh. Maybe even a dramatic gasp or two. You arch your back, let out a few well-timed moans, and collapse into the sheets with a satisfied smile. Your partner beams, thinking they’ve nailed it. But it was all a performance. You never reached the Big O.  

Research shows many people have faked orgasms, with estimates ranging from 21 to 85%. And contrary to stereotypes, men fake orgasms too. 

Why fake it? People who struggle to orgasm, or who climax less frequently, tend to be the ones who pretend. The reasons are generally consistent across genders: avoiding conflict, protecting a partner’s sexual confidence, wanting the encounter to end, or feeling pressure to “perform” and keep up the illusion of always reaching orgasm. 

What’s less understood is why many people eventually drop the façade. A study in The Journal of Sex Research explores why people stop faking orgasms, shedding light on the hidden dynamics of intimacy, wellbeing, and relationship health. Understanding these reasons is key to building more honest and satisfying sexual connections. 

Ending the little white lie in the bedroom 

When people do stop faking, they often credit better sexual communication or a shift in how they view orgasm itself.  

Gender and relationship dynamics also play a role. Those who struggle to talk about sex, especially women who feel pressure to please, are more likely to fake. By contrast, heterosexual women who believe their partners genuinely care about their pleasure are less likely to keep up the act. 

Yet, important questions remain about how these patterns link to relationship, sexual, and life satisfaction. Earlier research has also predominantly focused on women, leaving men’s experiences largely overlooked. To investigate further, researchers Silvia Pavan, Camilla S. Øverup, and Gert Martin Hald from the University of Copenhagen conducted one of the largest studies to date. 

Specifically, they surveyed 11,541 adults across six European countries (Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, France, and the UK). Participants had an average age of 43, with men and women almost equally represented. Most identified as heterosexual, lived with a partner in a monogamous relationship, and had children at home. The majority reported one to five lifetime sexual partners. 

The science of (stopping) faking orgasms  

About 40% of participants reported faking orgasms at some point, with 27% having stopped and 13% still doing so. Just over half said they had never faked one. Supporting previous research, women were more likely than men to report current or past faking.  

Those more likely to have faked it also included people with higher education, non-heterosexual participants, parents, and those with more sexual partners. People in open relationships were also more likely to fake, both past and present. In contrast, older individuals, those in long-term relationships, and those living with a partner reported lower rates. 

Cross-country differences suggested cultural influence: faking was more common in France and less common in Denmark, Finland, and Norway. 

Why stop faking? 

Among those who stopped faking, the most common reasons were greater comfort with not orgasming, better sexual communication, and partners paying closer attention to their needs. Men and women reported similar motivations. However, men more often mentioned confidence, being caught, or no longer being sexually active, while women more often cited comfort with not orgasming. 

The study also found a link between faking orgasms and sex toy use. People who faked were more likely to own toys, and non-owners who faked were more likely to consider buying one. Among owners, fakers tended to use toys alone, while those who never faked or had stopped were more likely to use them with a partner. Very few reported using toys with casual partners. This suggests that people who fake may turn to sex toys for pleasure or orgasm outside partnered sex, while non-fakers often find satisfaction through shared sexual exploration. 

Faking orgasms hurts satisfaction 

People who currently fake orgasms reported slightly lower sexual, relationship, and life satisfaction compared to those who had stopped or never faked. This supports the idea that faking can mask dissatisfaction in sex and relationships, and may even impact overall wellbeing 

However, the differences were small. Past fakers and those who never faked reported nearly identical satisfaction levels, and cross-country variations were minimal. 

The price of pretending 

Faking an orgasm may seem like a shortcut to avoid conflict or boost a partner’s ego. But this study suggests it doesn’t pay off in the long run.  

Across more than 11,000 people in six countries, researchers found that many men and women have faked an orgasm. Those who stopped faking reported positive changes. They included better communication, increased comfort and confidence, more attentive sexual partners, and higher satisfaction scores than current fakers. They appear to do better in bed, love, and in life.  

Still, the findings come from a self-selected online sample and unvalidated survey items, so results should be interpreted with caution. Future research could explore whether stopping faking leads to more orgasms over time, or if it simply makes sexual experiences feel more authentic, even without climax. It might also dive deeper into how partners respond when the faking stops, or how relationship dynamics shift after the truth comes out. 

For now, this study offers a powerful reminder that real intimacy starts with honest communication. And in a world full of performance pressure, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop pretending.