You’ve had your eye on him for a hot minute. You know the type—quiet, smart, kinda brooding in that “I don’t even know I’m hot” way. You’ve hung out in groups a few times. So tonight, you’re all at a thing. Everyone had a few drinks, the lights were dim, and the music was a little louder than you like. And there he is, leaning against the wall, scrolling through his phone.
And you? You’re feeling good. You catch his eye. He smiles, but it’s that same distant smile. You’re over it. You’re tired of the chase—of him not noticing. This is 2024. You’re an empowered woman. You’re hot, you’re ready, and who says no to a lady who wants sex, right?
So, you walk over. Your arm touches his. “Sooo”, you start, your voice more playful than intended. “What’s your deal? You’ve been ignoring me all night.” He laughs, in discomfort, “I’m not ignoring you” he responds curtly, as his arm stiffens and attempts to break the physical contact.
You tighten your grip and slide your hand further up his bicep. It’s bolder than you’ve ever been. “Then show me,” you whisper. But then, he steps back—just a tiny step. You wonder—what were you really after? Was it just about getting off? Did you think you’d suddenly have a thing after this? Or… were you just trying to feel some kind of power after he didn’t respond the way you wanted?
This is the exact sort of situation explored in “Proximal Motives of Sexual Arousal, Power, and Relationship for Sexual Aggression: Supporting the Millennial Shift” by Doctors George Smeaton, Peter B. Anderson, and Cindy Struckman-Johnson.
Sexual aggression covers a range of behaviors where one person tries to push past someone else’s boundaries for sexual contact. Most folks hear sexual aggression and think of sexual assault, but it’s actually bigger than that. It can include things like pressuring someone for sex after they’ve already said “no,” using guilt or manipulation, or even taking advantage when they’re unable to consent. Think of it as an umbrella term: under it, you have everything from verbal coercion to unwanted physical advances. You’re crossing that line where consent isn’t fully there or respected.
What drives someone to cross these boundaries? The researchers look at Millennials and Gen X to understand why sexual aggression happens.
Sexual Aggression
Previous studies on sexual aggression reveal three main motives—power, sexual arousal, and relationship. The power motive centers on the desire to dominate or control another person. It’s often rooted in anger or hostile masculinity. This is about “intimidation”, as one put it, showing that power is not about sex, but violence to suppress women. But what about sexual arousal? Some argue it’s not about power at all—it’s about getting off sexually. Research shows high sexual arousal blurs your judgment, acting like “tunnel vision” in the heat of the moment. So where do relationship motives fit in? Many folks—especially women—admit they engage in sexual aggression to “make the person like them” or to maintain a connection.
Despite all these existing theories, there’s still a gap in understanding why people mix these motives to justify sexual aggression. With generational shifts and changing cultural norms around gender and sexuality—specifically among Millennials—it’s important to explore how modern ideas of empowerment, pleasure, and connection can blur lines. And lead to behavior that isn’t just about sex or control but something more nuanced. Is there really a so-called Millennial shift?
Methodology
The team of doctors selected participants from an online crowdsourcing marketplace, focusing on Millennials and Gen Xers. They narrowed it down to 264 participants—92 Millennial men, 51 Millennial women, 82 Gen X men, and 39 Gen X women. To qualify, they had to be heterosexual and report using at least one tactic of sexual aggression.
The study was designed to explore their motives. It included questions like why they engaged in their most recent incident. The participants could check reasons like “I felt generally sexually aroused” or “I wanted a relationship with them—to make them like me.” After collecting all the data, the doctors compared responses across age groups and genders.
A Deep Dive into Motives
The authors asked two big questions: What motivates people to engage in sexual aggression—arousal, power, or relationship? And how do these motives differ across generations and genders?
Nearly everyone—95% of participants—said that arousal played a major role in their most recent act of sexual aggression. But plot twist! Millennial women claimed sexual arousal (98%) as a driving force more than their Gen X female counterparts (87%). It may seem that Millennials, particularly the ladies, are feeling more empowered to express their sexual desires—challenging the traditional “gatekeeping” gender script women have historically followed.
Roughly half the participants said they acted aggressively because they wanted to form or maintain a relationship. Interestingly, more Millennial women (61%) admitted to this than Gen X women (39%). What does this mean? The doctors speculate modern women might feel a need to be more assertive in pursuing partnerships. They may think, “If I push hard enough, maybe he’ll fall for me.” But the truth is it’s often a misguided attempt at connection. And the fellas aren’t off the hook either—men (56% of Millennials and 49% of Gen Xers) were just as likely as women to use relationship pressures to justify aggressive behavior.
The power motive was the least cited reason, with an average of 18% of participants selecting it. Here’s a tidbit—Millennial women were more likely to report using power (32%) than Gen X women (13%). The rise of gender equality and empowerment may have blurred some lines, with women using power in sexual dynamics more than before. However, the results found no significant difference between Millennial and Gen X men. This suggests that guys aren’t as motivated by dominance as some older research led us to believe.
The Millennial Shift
The study found that, compared to older generations, Millennial women are showing more sexual freedom and are less tied to traditional roles. Meanwhile, Millennial men are less likely to be sexually aggressive than their Gen X compadres. The research team theorizes this shift could be linked to evolving ideas about consent, gender equality, and sex. Ladies today may feel freer to express their sexuality—sometimes aggressively— while guys, with all the social awareness campaigns around sexual misconduct, might be pulling back.
What’s Next?
Of course, no study is perfect—Dr. Smeaton and other doctors are upfront about the limitations. First, the relatively small sample was pulled from an online crowdsourcing platform, which means it’s not fully representative of the general population. Plus, it focused on heterosexual relationships, so the results don’t extend to LGBTQ+ folks. Memory bias could also play a role since participants were recalling past incidents of sexual aggression. The researchers also realized that people might not fully understand their own motivations (like implicit power needs), which could skew the results. And of course, there’s the potential for desirability bias—the researchers acknowledged participants might not “have reported their true reasons” for sexual aggression, because it could make them look bad. Meaning, they have given responses they thought were more socially acceptable, rather than their actual motivations.
The team recommends further examination, particularly exploring the overlap between arousal and power. They also call for improvements to the Sexual Aggression Motive Assessment to include questions that measure the intensity of these feelings in the moment. When it comes to preventing forms of sexual aggression such as sexual assault, they suggest programs that address these complex motivations and challenge harmful myths—like the idea that pressuring someone into sex can lead to a relationship. Spoiler: It won’t.
Flirting or Sexual Aggression?
It’s all about respecting boundaries and recognizing consent. Flirting is fun, playful, and mutual—it’s about reading each other’s body language and cues. If you keep pushing after a clear “no” or if you try to manipulate the situation, that’s crossing into aggression. Manipulating the situation could sound like “We’re such good friends. This could just be something fun between us,” framing it as part of your friendship. Or, playing on trust by saying, “You know me. You can trust I won’t make things weird.”
The researchers point out that intense sexual arousal can “mimic the effects of alcohol,” making it easier to focus on getting what you want and ignoring the other person’s signals. If they seem uncomfortable or disengaged, that’s your sign to step back. Consent should feel clear and enthusiastic—if it’s anything less, you’re stepping away from empowered flirting and into something unwanted.
