Alone, with a long-term lover, or even a platonic friend, partner choices within the BDSM community run the gamut.
Pulling back the curtain further, this article showcases results from a global study of hundreds of BDSM practitioners published in The Journal of Sex Research. The third in a series that’s previously covered their BDSM journeys and favorite kink activities, findings here reveal a range of relationship dynamics in play sessions.
Method
Research often links BDSM with sexual relationships, assuming it primarily involves romantic or sexual partners.
However, some individuals may engage in BDSM for reasons beyond sexual arousal. To test this assumption, researchers from the Department of Justice Studies at San Jose State University created an online survey.
They investigated both sexual and nonsexual partner choices among 810 adults from 43 countries. They also examined how demographic factors and BDSM-related traits might predict partner preferences.
Top BDSM partners
BDSM play sessions involved a variety of relationship pairings. On average, participants reported having 2.5 different types of BDSM partners.
“The objectives of those who participate in BDSM vary and we see that being shown in the variety of co-participants, such as BDSM-only versus sex-only,” said study lead Bryce Westlake, Ph.D.
The breakdown of BDSM partner types:
- 84% had sexual or romantic partners.
- 42% had BDSM-only partners (no romantic or sexual relationship).
- 30% engaged in BDSM with friends.
- 28% had sex-only partners.
- 24% participated with strangers (also known as pick-up play).
- 24% participated alone.
- 18% had non-sexual romantic partners.
- 3% said they only participated in BDSM activities alone.
Demographic trends
Various demographics and BDSM-related characteristics influenced partner choice.
Age
Generation Z participants were less likely to engage with friends and non-sexual romantic partners compared to other generations.
Gender identity
Women were more likely than men to engage with romantic/sexual partners and less likely with non-sexual romantic partners.
LGBTQ+ individuals were more likely to participate with friends, strangers, alone, and non-sexual romantic partners.
Transgender individuals were more likely to have sex-only partners.
Relationship status
Single individuals were more likely to engage in BDSM with sex-only partners and alone, but less likely with romantic/sexual partners.
Those dating were more likely to engage with sex-only, friends, and non-sexual romantic partners compared to those who were married.
Sexual orientation
Pansexuals were more likely than heterosexuals to participate with BDSM-only partners, friends, and strangers.
Private vs public play
Those who participated both privately and publicly were more likely to have a wider range of BDSM partners compared to those who only participated privately.
However, those who only participated privately were less likely to participate with BDSM-only, sex-only, friends, strangers, and non-sexual romantic partners
BDSM role
Individuals who identified with dominant roles were less likely to participate with strangers and alone. Those who identified with submissive roles were less likely to participate with friends and non-sexual romantic partners.
Source of introduction
People who self-introduced to BDSM were less likely to participate with friends and more likely to participate alone. On the other hand, those who were introduced by a partner were also less likely to participate with friends.
The rich realm of BDSM
BDSM play sessions hold a variety of relationship dynamics.
The study found many people explore BDSM activities with an intimate partner. However, they also engage with friends, strangers, BDSM-only partners, and even by themselves.
Demographic factors as well as BDSM play preferences and history influenced participation patterns. For example, LGBTQ+ individuals were more likely to participate with friends, strangers, alone, and non-sexual romantic partners. On the other hand, those who only participated in BDSM privately were less likely to have non-sexual romantic partners.
In the fourth and final article of the series, we’ll unveil the diverse reasons why people practice BDSM—and it’s not all about sex.
