Is spontaneity the secret ingredient, or could planning be the key to sexual bliss? When it comes to fulfilling sex, it might all boil down to your personal beliefs.
Published in The Journal of Sex Research, two studies investigate whether spur-of-the-moment sexual activities are more satisfying than scheduled romps.
Method
While spontaneous sex is often romanticized, sex therapists may recommend that couples plan sexual activities to help them overcome challenges in the bedroom (or any other place they may prefer). Yet, both types of sex and their influence on sexual satisfaction remain underexplored.
To shed light on their significance, researchers conducted two studies that assessed participants’ beliefs about spontaneous and planned sex. While the former is described as sex that “just happens,” the latter is scheduled or discussed in advance. Researchers also measured participants’ baseline levels of sexual satisfaction, sexual desire, and sexual distress.
In Study 1, 303 participants shared how satisfied they were with their last sexual encounter, and whether it was planned or spontaneous.
These US-based participants were at least 18 years old, living with their romantic partner, and had engaged in sexual activity with said partner in the past four weeks. The majority identified as straight or heterosexual (88%).
In Study 2, 121 couples provided daily reports about their sex lives over three weeks. If they had sex, each partner shared whether they felt it was planned or spontaneous, and how they perceived their partner’s view of the sexual encounter. Each day, they also rated their sexual satisfaction and desire for their partner.
Participants were based in Canada or the US, at least 18 years old, and either living with their partner or seeing them a minimum of five days a week. Again, most identified as straight or heterosexual (81%).
Findings
Both studies found participants generally believe spontaneous sex is more satisfying than planned sex. Digging deeper into the results paints a more detailed picture and reveals some ambiguity.
Study 1
The first study found individuals who held stronger beliefs in the advantages of spontaneous sex reported higher overall sexual satisfaction.
As for planned sexual experiences, participants viewed them as less satisfying unless they held strong beliefs about the benefits of planned sex. Lead author Katarina Kovacevic, a Registered Psychotherapist and Ph.D. candidate at York University, called this discovery the most exciting takeaway.
“That finding showed us that there is maybe potential for people to think differently about planned sex that could have implications for how satisfactory the experience can be,” she said.
An analysis also revealed seven themes among open-ended responses.
Although 40% of coded responses said spontaneous sex enhances satisfaction, only 9% said planned sex did the same.
For example, one participant wrote, “It was planned because it was our only date night for about two weeks. It helped satisfaction knowing what we both wanted and when.”
Yet 9% said it does not matter if sex is planned or spontaneous.
Conversely, 12% said planning sex detracts from satisfaction, with a participant writing, “It takes some of the excitement and eagerness away.”
Only 3% said spontaneous sex reduces satisfaction.
“It was not planned and therefore not as enjoyable. I don’t mean planning like ‘next Tuesday at 3pm,’ I mean planning as in deliberate ‘Imma light yo fire’ anticipation,” another participant explained.
In total, 15% said they rarely planned sex while 5% said they usually planned sex.
Note that 31% of participants’ responses could not be coded because they did not discuss the impact of planning or spontaneity on sexual satisfaction.
Study 2
Unlike Study 1, the second study found no link between beliefs regarding spontaneous sex and overall sexual satisfaction.
It rather discovered that individuals who held stronger beliefs in the benefits of planned sex had partners who reported lower overall sexual satisfaction.
However, whether participants viewed sexual encounters as planned or spontaneous didn’t impact how satisfied they were with their sex life that day.
Across both studies, factors such as sexual desire, sexual distress, and gender did not significantly affect these associations.
Beliefs and sexual satisfaction
Spontaneous or planned, personal beliefs about sex seem to play a role in satisfaction.
Both studies found more people view impromptu erotic encounters as ideal, which is what Kovacevic expected. Yet, results linking sexual preference to sexual satisfaction were mixed.
Kovacevic added that the absence of lowered sexual satisfaction from planned encounters among people with strong positive beliefs in planned sex in Study 1 could hold clinical benefits. This is especially relevant for busy individuals striving to cultivate or maintain a fulfilling sex life.
Currently, she is conducting a follow-up analysis to test if it is possible to shift people’s beliefs and if that affects satisfaction. So far pilot data supports the initial findings from Study 1.
Ultimately, whether scheduled or spur-of-the-moment, which sex feels best may depend on one’s mindset.
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